areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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