How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
