rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
