you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
