I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
