my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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