Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
