Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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