I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
