I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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