Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
