my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
