worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
