can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
