I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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