can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
