i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
