she woke up with a sticky ear
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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