So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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