Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
