dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
