Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
