I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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