she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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