after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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