I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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