Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
