Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
