He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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