Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Even my vagina gasped.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
