I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
