when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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