I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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