The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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