ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
