he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
