i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
