I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
