I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
