Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
