They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
