The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
