how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
