Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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