if you like me you must not know who I am
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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