Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
