Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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