i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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