but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize