umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
