i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
