What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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