I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
