Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
