im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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