If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pants are for mortals
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize