Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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