Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
