Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
