this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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