this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
