I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
