Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm passing your future prison.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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