I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
