She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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