I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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